My Mother's Son [Ana/fam]

The twins were in high school...last day before spring break, Jess was out running errands, Mido was downstairs working on his projects, this left Ana to her own devices for the better part of the day, although the family had plans for the upcoming week off, that she'd come up to join them for.

She came out of her guest room on the main family, to find she wasn't completely alone. She knew Grayson was related to Jess, but he'd been in class late last night and they hadn't yet met.

She didn't know much about him, that he was in school, came from a troubled background and they were trying to help him get on the right path, she was curious to see what sort of man he was.

She smiled at him, where he was sitting on the couch as she moved to the kitchen.

"Good morning...you are Grayson?" She asked curiosly. "I am going to make some tea, would you like some?"

He always enjoyed being included in the family things that Jessica and Mido did, they never pressured him to, but they always made sure to extend the offer to him. It was a small gesture to them, but meant the world to Grayson, who had never felt included or thought about in such a way. He was eager for the things they planned to do for the week, but it wasn't enough to snuff out the anxiety at being in the presence of someone like Ana, a woman who commanded respect, a woman who his mother had a deeply rooted hatred for. Grayson didn't share that, but he still feared that maybe she'd see his mother in him, it wasn't like it hadn't happened before.

When she spoke, there was a visible startle from him, and he gasped, suddenly sitting up straight and turning to her, "U-uh...Yes ma'am!" He cleared his throat, "I-I mean yes, I'm Grayson, m-ma'am!" He scolded himself for reacting in such a way, looking up when she asked him if he wanted some tea, "t-tea? Oh...Uhm...Yeah...I mean Yes ma'am...Tea sounds really nice." He threw her his best attempt at a smile, which was lopsided and nervous, clearly doing a piss poor job at hiding his anxiety of the whole situation. It was partly because of who she was, partly because he still had trouble meeting strangers, not quite as socialized as the twins or the others were.

She just shook her head at his anxiety and formalities, she wasn't sure why he inspired such a reaction in him, perhaps he was just a bit high strung.

"Oh come now. There's no need for all that, calling me ma'am and such. We're all family here, Ana is fine."

She moved about in the kitchen, setting up the kettle to boil, as well as setting out cups and other things for tea.

"I am told you are quite the talented chef." She commented, hoping perhaps to put him at ease and give him a conversation opening, she'd really hate for him to feel this on edge for the entirity of her visit.

He was a little embarrassed that she'd so easily picked up on his nerves, though he supposed he wasn't exactly being subtle about it. He cleared his throat and looked to the side, "s-sorry m-uh-Ana..." He laughed, a nervous edge to it a little bit, "It's just...You're like....THE Ana..." And I'm the son of a crime lord wanted in every state in the US, no big deal, he swallowed, "it's kind of like..." Meeting your heroes? That wasn't quite right, "I'm just nervous I guess...Want to make a good impression..." He figured he would be half honest, it was true, he figured if he made a good impression maybe she wouldn't hold his mother against him.

When she spoke again though, he gave a small, wary smile and nodded, "Yeah, I'm in school for it right now." He chuckled, "that's why I wasn't around last night when you got here, super late class on those days!" He often didn't get home until nearly midnight, "it's been really cool...Mildly terrifying...But cool..." He laughed softly, finally getting up to join her, "adjusting to...Well a normal family has been hard..." He didn't know how much Jessica and Mido had told her, enough he figured, "but it's nice...Kind of makes me face the fact that I'm really fucked up though..." He looked down, "everyone's so stable here...I don't fit in..."

She just waved it off when he commented on who she was. "Please...that was so long ago it might as well have been another life...I'm retired now...just Ana." She assured him.

She smiled understandingly as he explained about school. "Pursuing anything that carries great personal weight and significance is always a little daunting and frightening. But you're doing it anyway and from what Mido and Jess have told me you have a talent for it...you'll be just fine."

The tea kettle whistled and she brought it over, still listening as she spoke. "My dear...no one is as 'normal' or well adjusted as they might look at first...even this family here has been through a great deal...it's a process, learning how you cope with your broken pieces, how they fit with others broken pieces...and if you aren't there yet...its alright, just give yourself time." She smiled encouragingly, warmly. "Even if you're not sure of your place here yet, let me assure you they're all very fond of you."

He chuckled and nodded, resting his cheek in his hand, "yeah? Alright, Ana it is." He would definitely slip, but he'd try and remember to knock off the formalities. It was funny, she certainly didn't seem like the kind of person his mother had always said she was. This was the overwatch bitch his mother said ruined her life? He shook his head, it wouldn't be the first time she'd lied or blamed for her own bullshit.

His face lifted again and nodded his agreement, chuckling softly, "yeah, being here, doing this...I mean I never thought I'd live to adult hood...Much less long enough to actually be pursuing my dream job, y'know?" He looked down at the table top and sighed, "it is daunting, but my instructors seem to like me, I work my hardest even on days when getting out of bed is a herculean feat...There's something to be said for pure dogged determination, and stubbornness." He laughed softly at that.

He was deeply surprised by her next words, lifting his head from where it was propped against his hand and feeling tears in his eyes from where, he wasn't sure, "it's hard..." He looked down, "like...I've never felt like I was part of a family like this...There's so much love...So much warmth...And I'm just cold." He rubbed a hand over his shoulder, "my heart's so damn cold and broken and closed off...I don't really know how to let people in..." He shook his head, "I try so hard to run from the things my mother's done...And...I'm just waiting for it to catch up to me...To take this all away from me..." He looked heavy as his shoulder sagged, "I feel like a 50 year old man sometimes...Running from sins that aren't even mine..."

She slid one of the cups of tea across the table to him. "Some days that's all we have. Sheer stubbornness and determination." She looked at him seriously through her good eye, she understood all about having nothing left to go on but those anymore, until you were able to drag yourself forward. "But not giving up, even when faced with feeling like that...says a great deal about who you are as a person."

Her next words seemed to strike deep emotions, and she held a hand across the table to him.

"You have had a hard life. Harder then most. But you...you are not your mother. You are not whatever it is that she is done. And anyone that would take who you want to be away from you, when you are clearly not trying to live that life...is wrong."

She had no idea who his mother was or what she had done, but she understood all too well her children being punished for who she was and things she'd done.

Grayson took the tea with a grateful smile, nodding and picking it up to take a sip, the warm liquid was instantly soothing, and relaxed his tense shoulder a little as he nodded to her words, "I've never given up." He looked down into the cup with a hard, set stare, "even when the whole world seemed to want to put me down, I refused." He chuckled and looked up at her, "Jess tell you I took a shotgun blast to the gut? I was...Jesus...I think I was just 16..." He put a hand over his stomach, "I ain't never been the same..." He looked up at her, at her missing eye, "figure you know what that's like, huh?" It was sort of comforting, to talk to someone who was as tired as he was, but who still managed to radiate a warmth that he couldn't even begin to feel from himself.

He looked up at her, quickly wiping away a tear when he trailed down his cheek, "my mother...Her name is...Well everyone just calls her Havoc." He glanced down, "she thinks she's a crime lord, she tried to drag me into that too." He shook his head, "she blamed Overwatch for problems she caused herself...Part of Deadlock...Who knows what else." He took another sip of tea, "meeting you...I was afraid maybe you'd be able to tell...Th-that maybe you'd see her in me or something and...And hate me for it." He glanced down, "I only want to escape from her shadow...I'm not sure if I can though...The shit that still haunts me is because of her..." He shook his head, "I'm so fuckin' tired..."

She winced in sympathy as he explained what had happened to him.

"That is a terrible thing to happen...to have to recover from. And no...you never really are the same again afterwards..." As he looked at it she brushed the patch over her eye. "Sniped shot, straight into a cybernetic eye. It was...well over a year until I was able to fully even...take care of basic things myself. Never mind the more fine tuned skills I had to relearn."

It was not something she talked about much. Not even with her own family, what that time had been like, those years she felt too broken, too much of a failure to even show her face to them. And she didn't share it now to try to one-up his own pain or experiences, but because she wanted him to know he was understood...and while people might sympathize, the only ones who understood, really understood...were those that had lived it.

As he talked about his past, his family, her expression was a bit blank, that name meaning nothing to her. Deadlock did though and she blinked.

"I do not know your mother. I never encountered her. I was not even directly involved in the Deadlock project." She explained gently.

"That was handled by other agents, more versed in handling situations like they presented...they were selling and smuggling military grade weapons to powerful people, many with terrorist leanings....that is why what happened to them happened."

She knew he wasn't stupid, he undoubtedly knew they were doing things that were wrong, but she had no doubt it had also been spun to him in ways that were highly skewed.

"Like I said, I don't know your mother. I don't know if there is any of her in you. But I couldn't hate you over something like that, that you had no control over. When you had the chance to take some control you left. You came here instead. That takes courage, no matter what anyone else might think or say." She knew some of those groups took dim views in those that would leave, undoubtedly he'd also encountered some of that.

Grayson nodded, feeling an indescribable sens eof relief when she spoke. There was something more comforting than any words of sympathy about having someone tell you that they understood, that they'd gone through it, he sighed and looked up at her, "I'm missing so many bits and pieces inside of me now...There's so much shit I'll never be able to actually do..." He gestured with a humorless laugh, "I'm here going to school to be a chef, and I can't even handle eating half a meal because...Just...So much of my fuckin' stomach is gone." He rested his head in his hands and shook his head, "I take more pills in the morning than a 90 year old man..." He looked up at her, "I'm glad you understand...Like really glad...It's nice to have someone who wont just spoon feed me the same placating tripe...I don't need pity...Just understanding, y'know?" He looked up at her with a hopeless expression.

His face lit up in surprise as she spoke, confusion and a little bit of a disturbed expression reading on his features, "you...Had nothing to do with Deadlock?" He sunk his head into his hands, letting out a string of soft curses, "god fucking damnit Ma..." He looked up at her, "no offense...But I've grown up hearing what a bitch you were for...Ruining her life...For taking her kid, Jess, away from her." He shook his head, "It's all just more of her bullshit though...Always someone else at fault..." He sunk his head ro rest them against his arms, folded on the table, "you're probably the nicest woman I've met...You...Jesus..." His voice hitched a little.

He looked up at her with the most tired, beaten, and worn down expression as he sighed, "she was grooming me to live her life...I decided I was done being shot at." He hung his head, "but...Even now...Sometimes I lie awake and I wonder...Would it have been better if that gut shot had killed me?" He shook his head and hung himself heavy, "things are so good now but...God...I don't fucking know how to be actually happy...I don't know how to feel...Anything...But fear, and anxiety, and pain...When I feel anything at all..."

After a moment he lifted himself and sighed, taking another sip of his tea, "S-sorry...For...Just...You didn't come here to listen to some washed up asshole whine...I'm sorry..."

She came over to join him on his side of the table.

"I did nothing to her personally." She said quietly. "But perhaps...she was just angry at Overwatch itself...and I was a convenient face for that anger. SOmetimes...people are angry, they feel trapped in their choices...and sometimes...they just need a place to lash out at."

She didn't know if that was something he even wanted to hear, or if she was right or not, but she wanted to help him, help him realize none of this was on him, this wasn't his fault, no matter what his mother did or thought.

She leaned over and rested a hand gently on his shoulder. "Your life is getting better because you've worked hard for it...it'll keep getting better. There'll be bad days...it won't always be easy...but if you keep working like this..." She squeezed is shoulder firmly, before sliding the tea closer to him. "Drink your tea, it'll help you feel better." She smiled.

Grayson nodded and swallowed a hard lump that was threatening to crumble all his resolve. Grayson never cried, he never let himself feel things like that, not in front of anyone anyway, but here he was, lip quivering like a child being scolded, because her words were true, because everything he'd ever been told by his mom was mostly misdirected bullshit, and how could he face her knowing he'd been speaking so freely to her enemy? He sighed, "mom's wanted all over the US...I kind of wish I could erase her record...Move her here somewhere...Away from Mexico and all that gang bullshit..." He rubbed at his eyes and sniffled, "she fucked my life up but...She's still my mom...I don't want to lose her to her own shitty choices..."But that was a disturbingly real possibility that he wasn't sure if he would ever be ready for.

He looked up when she rested a hand on his shoulder, taking the tea cup and staring into it as she spoke, the longer he stared, the more his eyes clouded with tears, until they were streaming down his face and he was pressing his head into her chest, letting out quiet little sobs against her, "I just want to feel happy...I just want to feel something other than...All this...But I don't think I can...I think I'm broken..." His words were cracked and broken by his little sobs against her, reaching out for affection from the only person within arms reach. He'd be embarrassed if not for every other emotion piling up.

Once upon a time she might have been able to do as he wanted to do for his mother, but that was a long time ago, and that power had past away from her abilities many, many years ago. "Even if she can't return to the United States...there are places beyond Mexico she could go if she really wanted to...I know you want to help her, and that you care about her...but sometimes the hardest lesson we must learn is we can't always help people that do not want to be helped or saved...sometimes you try as hard as you can, and in the end you can just save yourself."

Sh would hate to see such a bright young man destroyed because he was trying to save someone who seemed angrily hell-bent on their own destruction for this many years.

As he leaned against her, the tears coming faster now all she could do was hold him in return. "You aren't broken. You just have so much to work through and make sense of...it won't happen immediately...don't give up on yourself yet." She tried to sooth him.