Broken Bridges [Lucio]

Since returning, he has been wanting to just leave. He had many chances to but he never did for some reason. Jesse stayed with him while Gabriel stayed with Junkrat since the two got back. Even Jesss was worried about Lucio, and that's saying something. Lucio had shut down and seemed to stare off into space for hours on end. If Jesse didn't lockpick Lucio's door to give him food, he would have starved. Though now Lucio was only walking around the base, already used to everything there. Jesse was off somewhere, with 76 no less, and Gabriel was taking a tiny break from helping Junkrat learn how to read and write. He was the only one who stuck with Jamie since they returned from the mess they were thrown into. A lot of people noticed the two seemed to be drifting since and it worried both Jesse and Gabriel. A lot.

After taking a small walk, Lucio made his way back to the room that he cut off for himself. He'll lock the door behind him as he moves to sit on the bed, sighing before noticing the note on his pillow. He'll reach over to take it before looking it over. Well, Jamie is making progress with writing, thanks to Gabriel, so he has to give him that. He was tempted to just crumble the note up, curl into a ball and lay there like he has been but, maybe he should finally talk to the poor guy. He still believes that he was just used for the attention and that Jamie never went to get him within that 24 hour time limit. Later, maybe, but he believed that he would have been there and got him out before the time was up. After 24 hours, he lost hope and shut down even more. Lucio shook his head to clear his mind before putting the note to the side with a sigh. Might as well. Lucio got onto his feet before walking to the door, unlocking it before leaving so he can walk to the workshop. He'll lick his lips a bit before knocking lightly.

This had to work, if he didn't get Lucio to talk to him, he might lose him for good.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, biting rather aggressively at his bottom lip, which seemed to have already suffered a few bites too many, as it was red and slightly scabbed where it'd bled before. He was a mess, more so than usual, with a clearly ungroomed look about him. He'd been neglecting himself in his preoccupied worry for Lucio, and it showed in the shadows under his eyes and the every so slightly gaunt look about him, he'd even developed a light stubble over his chin and face from lac of grooming. Gabe had tried, but he'd refused to eat more than he needed to survive, and sleep had been less than kind to him. He was broken, not knowing what had happened to Lucio was eating him alive, he had to know.

He flinched when he heard the light knock on the door, both hoping and dreading that it would be Lucio waiting on the other side. He got to his feet after a moment and approached the door, taking a deep breath and swallowing before pulling it open, "Lucio..." He was glad to see him, and he was sure it showed somewhere in his demeanor, but he looked to the floor as he stepped aside to let him in, swallowing hard as he shut the door behind him, "we...we gotta talk..." He was speaking off the bat, unsure how to approach this exactly, "w-why have yew been avoidin' me?" There was a somewhat wounded tone to his voice, but his face only looked confused.

Lucio glanced up at Jamie when he answered the door, noticing how awful the other looked. Tired, ungroomed, hurt. He couldn't help but to feel a bit bad for shutting him out like this. He'll make his way into the workshop, wrapping his arms around himself with a sigh. Of course they are going to have to talk about what happened, even if he really doesn't want to. "Why didn't you tell me just how many people you've actually killed? Why didn't you.. get there until way later?" Lucio asked in return as he looks up at the other with a hurt expression. "It's true, isn't it? What she said? That you don't really care and that you're just acting the part?" Lucio just wants to know even though asking these questions hurts him greatly. He'll move his hand to rub his eyes with a shaky sigh. "Just tell me the truth, Jamison. Please. About everything," he'll then add as he looks off to the side with a frown. "Don't lie either."

Junkrat had gone through a million different possible scenarios in his head, possible what ifs and maybes of what Talon could have done to Lucio to cause such a rift, but when Lucio finally spoke, it struck him in a way he hadn't been expecting. He'd expected Talon to lie, but instead they told Lucio the truth, "I..." He sighed, moving to sit on his bed as he rubbed a hand over his face, "because I knew if yew knew...Yew'd hate me." He looked to the side with a sick look on his face, "I ain't proud of wot I done in th'past...I was impulsive an' didn't have no thoughta' wot I was doin'..." He'd always had shit impulse control, but back then it had been worse, "It...Makes me sick when I think about th'body count I got to my name...I never set out t'hurt anyone...Not intentional..." It had always been byproducts of his explosions, afterthoughts at the time.

He jerked his head up though when he processed the rest of Lucio's question, "I did show up within them 24 hours." There was a hurt look on his face, "I showed up exactly where that Talon skag told me t'show up..." He stook and gestured to himself, "I got ambushed by Los Muertos, by a whole fuckin' slew of 'em! Yew never stopped t'think maybe it was a trap set fer me?! I knew this...But I still came..." His voice died until it was a soft waver, "I came unarmed, alone, with no way t'call home t'save yew...Because that's wot they wanted...I tried Lucio. I-I fuckin' tried my best..." His voice was shaking now as he slumped back onto the bed, fighting back tears, but he failed miserably at that when Lucio questioned him further.

He looked up at him with an expression that looked betrayed, and hurt, "h-how could yew...Ask me that?" He ran a hand through his patchy hair, looking disbelieving, "Have I not proven t'yew yet that I ain't actin'?!" He looked distressed as he tried to imagine what else he could possibly do, "w-wot d'yew want from me?! I'm jus' one man...I can't give yew th'stars from th'sky but I'm tryin'...I-I'm fuckin trying..." His voice was trembling now, he was lost, what more could he do to prove to Lucio that he really cared?

Lucio stayed quiet as his first question was answered, but it still didn't make things better. Though it's the past and Jamie is doing a lot better since. He needs to get those seeds of doubt out of his mind, yet they have grown and got stuck there. He'll sniffle as he watches the other move to sit on the bed, moving his hand to wipe the tears from his face. Huh, he thought he was out of those. Though he'll tense up once the other snapped at his other question, moving a bit to hug himself again with a sad expression still on his face. Should he even believe him? That woman seemed so convincing and sure, but she did mention that she could easily act the part. That criminals can act the part. That realization is now making him confused and lost. Now he doesn't know if what Jamie is saying is the truth or lies. "I was there for days it felt like. I don't even know how long I was there, thinking that you would barge in and just save the day, like a hero, but you never showed up. You have no idea how I felt then. I don't know what to do. I had the feeling that it was a trap, I really did." Lucio mumbled, shifting a bit on his feet.

Jamie did try his best, but Lucio can't see that. Yet anyway. Having the other snap again only made Lucio take a small step away, thinking that this was probably a bad idea and that he should have stayed silent and just dealt with everything himself. Lucio stayed silent, turning his gaze to stare at the fooor instead with a shrug to his question. What exactly does he want from Jamie? "I want everything to go back to normal."

Junkrat ran a hand over his face, looking completely exhausted by the whole situation already, "I'm jus' human...Lucio..." He felt like he'd aged 80 years in only a few minutes, and he looked up at Lucio with a tired expression, "Well...I told yew I wasn't a hero...Didn't I?" His shoulder slumped and he didn't even try and quell the tears running down his cheeks now, "I tried...I t-tried my best..." He sunk his head to rest in his hands, his whole demeanor shifting from distressed and upset, to completely broken, "when I got that message...W-when I saw yew hurt...I left right then..." He wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes tight, "a-an' when I got there...There were so many of them...But by fuckin' god I tried fer yew...I wanted t'be yer hero..." He let out a choked sob at that and looked down, "I wanted t'be yer hero..."

He glanced up at Lucio when he said he wanted things to go back to normal, "I do to...I jus'...I want...I want my boyfriend back..." His eyes looked dull and sad, "b-but I don't know wot t'do...Yer believin' Talon over me..." He let out a soft sigh, "I know I done horrible shit...But I've been doin' my bets t'pay my dues...So maybe I deserve t'be beaten bloody and nearly killed as many times as I have...I'm tryin' t'do wot I can with wot I got..." He ran a hand over his eyes and let out a soft sigh, "I do love yew...I've always loved yew...I wouldn't be learnin' t'read an' write if I didn't...I'm doin' it fer yew..." He didn't know what else he could do, he was just a tired, broken man, "I'll never really be yer hero...Will I? Yew said I was but..." His voice broke with a sob as he said this, knowing Lucio had lost faith in him hurt worse than any injury ever could.

Lucio only stayed deadly quiet, continuing to wipe his tears away before sniffling. He couldn't help but to watch Jamie, frowning more at how broken he became within seconds. And it's his fault for doubting him. He hurt Jamie, badly, even worse than what Talon and the others could have possibly done. That lone comment about wanting to be Lucio's hero made him rub his eyes as he walks over to where Jamie was, sitting down next to him. "No matter what you do, say, or anything, you're already my hero. You always have been and will continue to be. I'm sorry, all this is my fault. I.. was scared and believed whatever was thrown at me, and I got you hurt." That realization made him nearly break as he hides his face with his hands. "Oh God. I knew and I still dragged you into it. I'm so sorry. I.. should have done different." Lucio said as he moves his hands from his face. "None of this is your fault. It's mine and I know that now. I messed up."

"I want mine back too," he'll mumble quietly before hiding his face with his hands again with a shaky sigh. "I didn't at first. It's my fault, I was stupid. I don't blame you for anything. You didn't do anything wrong. I.." Lucio then stopped as he moves to rest his hands on his lap instead with a sniffle. "I love you a lot more than you think I do. I know it might not seem like it but I do. I just expected too much from you and that hurt us both and I'm sorry. I just want you to be yourself and everything." A sigh. "You are my hero, Jamie. Knowing that you were there was enough." Lucio felt terrible. He was blaming all this on Jamie but it was mainly his own fault for falling for such lies. He probably broke Jamie's own trust and that would be hard to gain back. He can't help but to be angry at himself for getting into this mess in the first place.

Junkrat kept his eyes averted to the floor, he wanted to be glad to hear Lucio say that, but there was a lingering shadow hanging over him now, and he let out a shaky sigh, "how can I be yer hero if yew don't trust me...I-I know I failed yew...I let yew down...I let everyone down..." The whole team hated him now, the only person who'd spoken a word to him in what felt like months had been Gabe, everyone looked at him like a bad apple, "everyone hates me...I jus' wanted t'save yew...An' now they all hate me..." He glanced over at him with tired eyes and shook his head, "it ain't yer fault either...Yew got caught up in this because of me. Because they wanted t'get me..."

He glanced over at him when he spoke, his words did lift a bit of weight from him, "I...Love yew too..." He looked down and bumped his head gently against Lucio's shoulder, like a dog begging to be pet, "I'm just a broken, tired man Lucio...I'll always try fer yew. Always. B-but..." He sighed softly and kept his head where it was, "I'm not invincible...I'm human...I-I can die like anyone else..." He felt tears welling up again and choked them down, "I thought I lost yew...A-an' when we got back and yew wanted nothin' t'do with me I didn't know why...B-because I tried really hard..." He pressed his forehead to his shoulder more, whimpering softly, "please don't...don't cut me off like that...I c-can't take it...I can't..." He slipped his arms around Lucio's and clung to him desperately, as if afraid that if he let go, Lucio would leave again.

"You didn't let me down. You still got me out and I do trust you," Lucio mumbled as he rubs his face with his hand and a deep sigh. "No one hates you, Jamie. Everyone is still trying to recover from what happened in Gibraltar and there's no reason for them to hate you," he continued softly before glancing at the other with the same expression on his face. "I went out alone, told security that I'll be fine. It's my fault for being careless about things. I should have been more careful." No matter what Jamie tells him, Lucio won't stop blaming himself for what happened. "They won't get you no more, alright? We won't go there anymore." Lucio wanted to try and make things better but there's only so much that he can do. "We'll stay here."

That response made Lucio feel slightly better, moving his arm to wrap it around the other's waist to hold him close. "I'm sorry, Jamie, for putting you through all this. I was too upset to see what it was doing to you and I can't help but to apologize even though it probably doesn't help. I.. thought I was going to die and I wanted to see you one last time before anything actually happened." Lucio then moved a bit, leaning into the other at the tight cling. "I know you tried, Jamie. You tried really hard and I'm proud of you for going so far to get me out like you did. You are a hero, Jamie, please don't think otherwise. You'll always be my hero and my knight in shining armor." Lucio mumbled as he rests his head against the other. "I love you, Jamie, always have, always will."

Junkrat looked up at him finally, letting out a soft sigh and shaking his head, "but I did...I was s'posed t'save yew...An' all I did was get my own stupid ass caught..." He felt his eyes welling up again and hid his face in Lucio's shoulder, "an' now no one can even look at me without that...Awful disappointment...I let everyone down..." He kept his tight hold on his arm and whimpered softly, "an' now no one has faith in me..." He let out a shaky sigh, laughing softly, "we can't jus' stay here...We'll have t'go out on missions eventually..." His eyes became sad, "if they ever trust me enough t'send me out again..." He had his doubts that that would ever happen, he'd screwed up royally.

He smiled a little when Lucio put an arm around him, leaning into him and looking up at him, "It helps...I'm jus' glad yew don't hate me..." He ran a hand over his eyes and sniffled, looking tired, "I'd do anythin' fer yew. I'd go to any lengths to protect yew." He looked up at him with a serious expression, taking his hand, "I went to Dorado fully prepared t'die fer yew if it came t'that. I would have given my life in exchange fer yers..." He leaned up to leave a gentle kiss on his chin, "don't you dare ferget how much I love yew again. You hear me?" His words were firm but his tone was lighter, and he gave him a weak smile in response.

Lucio only sighed as he uses his free hand to rub the bridge of his nose. Jamie isn't going to believe that it wasn't his fault, and Lucio knows that he's going to continue blaming himself. "Jamie, o amor, listen to me, alright? You didn't let anyone down and no one hates you. You tried your best and that's all that matters, and you're still a hero." Lucio moved a bit to press a small kiss to the top of the other's head. "I have faith in you, so does McCree and Gabriel. You're still an amazing guy and strong." Another sigh. "Maybe they will let you go on more missions, who knows, but for now you need to know, and understand that none of this is your fault."

"I have no reason to hate you." Lucio replied, raising an eyebrow before smiling softly. "I would have done the same thing for you. I would take a bullet just to keep you alive. You have so much potential and you're amazing, Jamie." He then went silent for a moment as the other takes his hand, only to blush lightly before laughing quietly. "Wherever you go, I'm going with you." Lucio mumbled before blushing more at the kiss. "Of course, bonito," he replied with a smile.

Junkrat looked up at him when he spoke, finally letting out a defeated sigh and nodding, "if yew say so, mate...I jus' couldn't wait fer them t'figure out how t'handle the situation." He smiled when he kissed him, leaning against him for support and closing his eyes, "I know how setups like that go...Yew can;t afford t'piss around makin' plans..." He looked thoughtful and shook his head, "I hope they realize that eventually." After a moment he slipped his arms from around his arm, to wrap them around Lucio's waist instead, pulling him close, "I'm sorry I snapped at yew earlier..." He hadn't meant to react in such a harsh manner, but realizing that Lucio doubted him had hurt.

He finally relaxed against him when Lucio assured him that he wouldn't hate him, taking his hand and lifting it to rub his slightly scruffy cheek over it, "good...I don't want t'leave...I jus' hope they'll trust me again..." He hoped they would see that he'd only done what felt best at the time. He laughed softly and poked his tongue out, "Mm I dunno wot yew jus' called me...But it sure sounded good."