Louder than Thunder [Sam]

Sam let him finish talking, just listening. "I wish I knew what I could say." He finally admitted, after several minutes of not sure how to answer after hearing such things, things he'd never experienced and never would have to.

"Can't control what people say or do outside of this place. But here...don't tolerate that shit." He shook his head, frowning. "You're still you. And anyone tries to tell you otherwise, tries to hurt you over something that ain't hurting them...not a damn thing wrong with taking that fight if it comes down to it."

He did smile back when the other said he wanted to stay though, he was glad to hear that much. Sooner or later he'd want to head out on his own again...but for right now, figuring himself a little more, getting away from everything that hurt him so much would be good for him.

Jamison smiled at Sam and shook his head, chuckling softly, "nah man...You've said plenty..." He wiped the tears from his eyes and got to his feet, taking a deep breath and looking at him, "I'll try and keep my hands to myself." He got a sly look on his face and chuckled, "I've seen plenty of cute faces my age in town anyway..." Surely one of them had to be like minded, or at least a little adventurous, right? He grinned and cracked his knuckles, "don't worry, I'm used to havin' to put people in their place!" He'd had his share of fights over people calling him names and starting shit over this, he could take on bullies.

H nudged him and glanced at the machines he'd been working on, "what you got goin' on here anyway?" He grinned at him, "anything I can help with?" He was feeling better about a lot of things now, sure his face hurt like a bitch, but that would pass too soon enough.

Sam chuckled. "And one of these days...I'm going to teach you to throw a proper punch. You're a scrapper, sure...but it could be tightened up a little." He hadn't thought the first time he'd met this kid he'd want to teach him to fight *better*...but things changed.

He looked back over his work. "Was about wrapped up for the night, but was fixing some leather pieces." He showed Jamie some of the leather he was working over, the ranch had a few horses, as some areas weren't really accessible by any other means and their gear needed regular upkeep. "Last one here, this piece is about to give way so I'm re-attaching it."

Jamie was always eager to learn and know more, Sam was always happy to show him more things and take the time to start explaining the basics of the leather work to him as long as he was interested in being shown more, as he walked through the steps he was taking on the repair.

The holidays had always been a time of year that was especially miserable for the boy, and he would be lying if he said he wasn't acting a bit like a Scroodge because of it. Holidays in the large, fancy town where he'd come from were always about appearances, who could throw the biggest, most expensive Christmas party and put up the most lavish decorations, and when it came to parties, his family took the cake.

Unfortunately, this obsession with appearances weighed doubly heavy on Jamie's shoulders, he was an accessory that his parents could parade around and show off, subjected to wildly uncomfortable situations in front of groups of sometimes 50 plus people, and if he wasn't a perfect example of a happy child, then when the party was done they would beat the christmas spirit into him. Needless to say he had a remarkably sour taste for the holidays, but he was hard wired to put on that eerily uncomfortable mask of cheer, like some clown who's make up read smile, while his face read 'help me'. It showed in his eyes, which were distressed even when he was smiling, the holidays for Jamie were torture, to say the least.

But he tried, he tried his best not to let the fear and distress show in his eyes as he followed Sam and Sarah into town, they were looking for decorations, bundled up to fight off the cold that had blanketed the ground in a light dusting of snow, the town itself was decorated in a quaint, but clearly lovingly thought out way, and he wished more than anything that he could appreciate it, but all the singing and cheer served to do was seed a deeper and deeper panic in him, and he was getting less apt at hiding it.

The last few months Sarah had taken a particular liking to Jamie and had been rather insistent that he come with them into town. So the three of them had squished into the cab of the old truck and headed into town. They'd parked at one end of the main street through the center of town and set out on foot, she kept a few steps ahead of the two men, peering eagerly into each festively decorated windows, some with elaborate winter scenes, others with tinsel and colored bits framing the store's best items, displayed as possible gifts for the upcoming holiday. Already she was picking out what she wanted, what she wanted to give everyone else. She hummed to herself as she went, occasionally glancing impatiently over her shoulder, why were they so slow?

Sam strode along the sidewalk, hands deep in his pockets against the cold, not able to quite hide a grin. He loved this time of year, he always had. And Sarah's enthusiasm, well, it was catching. Jamie didn't seem nearly as excited though, the look in his eyes at being here was near manic. He was pretty sure he didn't want to know, but he could imagine from what he'd heard of Jamie's life before...he probably didn't have the same friendly associations with the holidays Sam and his family did.

"Sorry she dragged you into this." He said as an aside so she wouldn't overhear. "In case you hadn't figured it out...she gets excited. We'll let her pick out some shiny bits and then we can head back."

Sarah's enthusiasm was refreshing to see, even if Jamie didn't share it in any sense of the word, he was determined not to let his grim demeanor rub off on either of them, they were happy, and he could damn sure pretend to be happy so they didn;t have to feel obligated to wonder why he felt like bolting back to the ranch where he could pour his anxious energy into work and forget what time of year it was.

"I'm fine." He answered probably a little too quickly to Sam's apology, looking up at him with a grin that didn't reach his eyes in the least, "it's...This is fine." He looked back ahead and couldn't help a soft sigh, looking down, "sorry..." He mumbled, keeping his voice low as they walked so the eager girl ahead of them wouldn't hear him, "The...It's...Christmas has always been a bad time for me..." He'd gotten better at being honest with Sam about things, since their conversation in the barn, he'd gotten better at being open. He gave him a weak smile and chuckled, "I'll try not to be a Scroodge..." He ran a hand through his hair, perking his head up to put on that disconcerting cheerful smile again when Sarah glanced back at them, "I'm glad she can enjoy the holidays...I-I mean it." If being here and suffering quietly meant Sarah was happy, he could suffer a few hours.

Sam gave him a serious look, not believing his answer. Over time the two started to be able to talk more, and sure enough he continued a few moments later. Sam nodded in understanding, he sadly was not surprised.

"Alright, so...what would help make it better?" He asked. He'd often give the other the chance to talk through things, or be able to feel like he had some voice in the things in his life now. "It's well and good to say you'll just grit your teeth through it for the rest of us...but maybe we can help make it feel less awkward somehow." He nodded ahead towards Sarah. "Because she's gonna drag you through every bit of this, if you let her."

Jamie deflated when he saw that Sam wasn't gonna let him just leave it at that, he never did these days, there was always that point where he would ask him what might make things better, and usually Jamie was good at answering those questions, but this time he was at a loss for words, glancing ahead to see that Sarah had made a safe distance from them.

He sighed, "It's...I dunno..." He looked to the side and rubbed a hand over his arm, "Christmas back home...It's...It was..." He closed his eyes and looked unsure, "b-big parties...Being put in front of upwards'a fifty people...Told to dance or sing or do shit like some doll..." He ran a hand through his hair, "bein' an accessory...An' nothin' more..." It was clear that this was harder to talk about than most of the things he'd shared, "It's appearances in the city...Just that." He sighed and looked up at him, giving him a weak smile, "I dunno what would help...I just get...Anxious and panicky around this time of year..." He looked ahead and chuckled softly, "yeh...I know...I just dunno what else to do..." This was the first situation that he honestly didn't know how to handle.

Sam listened and nodded. "Well...we don't throw any big parties. You won't have to deal with a whole lot of people that you don't already see and work with every day. And no one is gonna make you fuckin' sing and dance." He snorted a little at the thought with a shake of his head. "Maybe this one you'll just need to take one day at a time, little bit at a time. Get an experience with it that's not shit and that might help." It was the best suggestion he had to offer. "And if you really don't want to do something...you can say no. It's alright. Even to her." Another nod towards Sarah. "She'll understand."

As if on cue she let out an excited sound. This story always had bit of jewelry and other pretty things in their window and she always had to stop and look, but they looked especially tantalizing right now, reflecting holiday colors and lights against their bright and mirrored surfaces.

She darted back to her companions, catching a bit of each of their coat sleeves to tug them forward a bit. "Come see!" She called, before letting them go and moving back to her window, eagerly waiting for them to join her.

Sam knew exactly which window it was, she'd pulled him to look at things in this window many, many...many...times. "Alright, which one do you like this time?" He asked.

Sarah made a sweeping gesture towards the whole window with a bit of a cheeky grin at him. Sam gave her a look in return. "I'm not buying you an entire display window worth of things."

She frowned a little bit in mock disappointment, before turning back to the window and after a few more moments of thought pointed out a few things she liked. "Those ones are the best!" She decided.

One day at a time. It was a daunting thought, usually there was some kind of solution that could fairly effectively aid in whatever personal discomfort he was feeling, whatever turmoil he was going through brought on by his history of abuse, but this wasn't a problem that could just be talked away, and maybe Sam was right, "one day at a time...I can do that." He chuckled softly, he just had to keep an open mind, and remind himself that these people weren't his parents, and he wasn't in the city, "it's hard not to be a little bit cheerful with her...She helps." He would have to sit her down and talk to her about it later, Sam was right, she would understand.

He gasped when his sleeve was suddenly yanked along, chuckling and giving Sam an exasperated but amused look, and the look on his face read that he was more than used to this by now. He chuckled and came to one side of her to look over the shiny pieces twinkling inside, laughing when she seemed to jokingly insist that she wanted them all, "you remind me of a Magpie, Sarah." He said this in an affectionate way, nodding when she picked out the one she liked, "I think those are good picks, what do you think, Sam?" It was hard to feel any kind of negativity when Sarah was around, she'd always been good at pulling him out of those funks he still got into sometimes.

As Jamie shot him an exasperated look Sam gave him one back that was both amused and a little bit of 'what was I just saying?'. He was also well used to this too, she'd dragged him along on her adventures at whatever whim struck her, giving little glimpses into whatever went on in her mind as long as he'd known her.

He nodded as he looked at the pieces she picked, committing which ones she liked to memory for possible purchase later. "If it's shiny, she's drawn to it." He grinned a little. "Yeah, those are nice ones." He agreed.

Sarah kept her nose to the window for a few more moments, staring at the shiny pieces in front of her. She was glad to have them with her to share these things with, her excitement at everything around her.

Suddenly something seemed to strike her and she turned around quickly. "What would you like?" She asked, looking directly at Jamie. "Sam always says silly things, like socks." She made a face at Sam as she said that.

He just shrugged. "Socks are useful."

Sarah looked back to Jamie, waiting for his answer. "You don't just want socks...do you?" She really, really wanted to find him something nice. He'd been through a lot of hard things, she really wanted him to have something nice and to have a good holiday with all of them.

Jamison laughed softly at the expression on Sam's face, he'd done this every years as long as Sarah had been here, it was clear by the way they interacted, "I can understand that, shiny things are nice!" He agreed, looking at her utter excitement was a refreshing thing, but he wasn't prepared for her to turn her full attention on him and ask a million dollar question that he had no answers for.

His eyes widened and he shuffled, looking suddenly more than a little uncomfortable being put on the spot, "I-I uh...I dunno...I don't...I don't really need anything..." He chewed his lip, glancing to the side, "I-I mean thank you for asking but I...I really don't know..." He reached to run a hand through his hair, "this is kinda my first time...Doing this...For real..." Or at least with a normal family, doing normal things, he'd grown up with hardly any possessions of his own, aside from the clothes on his back. What could he possibly ask for? He laughed and his eyes darted around, looking for anything to change the subject, "I-I uh...L-look!" He pointed, "looks like they're putting up a big tree in the middle of town!" He glanced at Sam with that distressed expression again.

Sam caught the discomfort at being put on the spot in Jamie's face and moved to put a hand on Sarah's shoulder. "How 'bout you let him maybe think about it a bit, give him some time to look around and see what he likes?" He suggested. "If nothing else...everyone needs socks."

Sam shot Jamie a look that said he understood as he turned Sarah from the window in the direction Jamie was pointing.

Sarah's gaze was fixed on Jamie as he spoke, eyes narrowing just a touch as he spoke. This seemed it was another of those things he didn't like to talk about...there were a lot of them. She opened her mouth, but then snapped it closed again. Now wasn't the time, but she'd have to talk to him about things later...or, more likely, listen and let him talk.

She made a face and rolled her eyes at Sam as he brought up socks again. "Not socks." She countered.

She did let her attention be drawn to the tree being set up though, happy to return to the festivities of the day and save the hard conversations for later. She tugged on their sleeves again before stepping ahead to watch the set=up taking place.