Returning Home [Ana]

When it had first been discovered that the pair were missing Ana had been incredibly worried about whatever had happened to them. She had no idea what had happened, had they been taken...had they decided this wasn't the life for them after all and just left? Just one more thing that had managed to slip through her fingers in the course of all of this.

But upon their return, and the story that filtered to her of what Jamison had done settled in, her worry and guilt started to become replaced with frustration and anger at his actions. She understood why he felt he needed to go, but how he went about doing it flew in the face of everything she and the rest of the more seasoned members of the team had been trying to teach him. Sometimes...things did not work out as planned with the people Ana took special interest in. Sometimes they never really adapted or fit in. Sometimes they just went completely off the rails. And...for all intents and purposes it very much seemed that Jamison Fawkes was going off the rails. She had always taken it extremely hard when these sorts of things happened, the hurt feelings deeply personal, even when she had to tuck them away under the face of Captain Amari...this time was no different.

And it was not Ana that came to see Jamison upon his return, but Captain Amari, the woman who'd helped hold all of Overwatch together and accountable for all those years. There was no hiding the anger and frustration, but she did manage to...for the moment...keep her personal feelings mostly out of it.

"What is wrong with you?" She asked bluntly as means of greeting, her one good eye boring into him, expecting answers.

Junkrat had been dreading facing Ana most of all, he could take the anger and frustration from Jack, from any of the others, but her anger and disappointment would hurt the most. He respected Ana, she'd been one of the whole reasons he'd even joined up with Overwatch when the offer was given to him, and even if he didn't regret his actions in trying to save Lucio, he still regretted doing something that would inevitably lose the trust and respect Ana may have had for him. That was what hurt the most.

And it was evident when she approached him that he very well may have lost any faith she might have had that he could ever be a good agent. When he spotted her approaching, he immediately averted his eyes and looked to the side, swallowing hard, "Ana..." He couldn't seem to pull his eyes from the floor to meet her's, but stood a little straighter, "I-I'm..." He sighed and shook his head, reaching ro tun a hand through his patchy hair, "No...I s'pose there ain't no sorries...It was stupid and irresponsible..." He cleared his throat and looked towards her, "b-but I don't regret it." He finally met her gaze, looking guilty, but sure.

"When I got th'message I knew I had 24 hours to'get there." He looked to the side with a nervous expression, "I thought they were gonna kill him...A-an' I figured maybe if they got me they'd leave him alone..." He fiddled nervously with the joint of his prosthetic, "I jus' wanted him t'be safe...I didn't care wot happened t'me..." He chewed his lip, looking dejected, "I didn't care if I died...I jus' wanted Lucio t'be okay..." He was trying not to let tears bubble up, but the idea that Lucio had ever been in danger like that cut him deeply.

She looked at him, expression stern and unwavering. "Yes. It was incredibly stupid. Incredibly irresponsible. Incredibly *thoughtless* towards everyone else here who cares about you."

Whatever she felt inside at the sight of his distress did not make it to the surface. "You have seen how Talon operations. What part of that for a fraction of a second gave you the impression they would fight fair on something like this?"

A pause, before she continued. "Do you honestly believe that you are the only person here who has ever been placed in such a situation?" She demanded. "Do you honestly believe that myself and...most of the rest of the members here have never been threatened or manipulated in such ways before? That we would have no advice, no tactics, no aid *from hard earned experience* that we could have offered that would have spared *both* of you being taken? Do you honestly believe that no one here would have cared, or helped you?" She frowned up at him. "You seem to think you have all of these things in hand...and yet all you do is rush into things head-long like the foolish child you seem to be, endangering yourself and others around you. Do you have any idea how lucky you both are not to be dead?"

Junkrat felt a physical twitch when she mentioned everyone caring about him, and in response he turned away from her and looked back, "who is that? Who really cares?" He shrugged and looked down, "wot I did was wrong...But it made me realize somethin'...No one really cares." He'd been haunted by Elise's words since they'd gotten away, a dark cloud shadowing over his head and making him doubt everything that had happened. It made more sense, why would an organization lie Overwatch bring an international criminal on board?

He finally turned back to her and his eyes were less nervous and more angry, "I was fuckin' scared. Lucio is th'only person who gives a shit about me...I was scared." He turned from her again, "tell me somethin' Ana, an' I want th'truth. Why'd yew lot being me here?" He turned to her with that same distressed expression, "was it because yew believe in me? Or because yew wanted to excuse to keep the psycho on a leash?" He put a hand to his head and looked lost, "I don't even know wot t'believe anymore...From any of yew..."

His eyes teared up and he looked over at her, "I let myself be fooled into thinking I could do this...Because yew lot made me believe I could...But it's not true, is it?" He pressed his back to the wall and sunk to the ground, "I'm jus' a rabid, vile little dog yew wanna keep on a leash." He looked up at her, "I'm sorry I did wrong. It was stupid...But yew wont have t'worry about that anymore..." He looked down, "I might leave...I wont go back t'being a criminal...So there's no need fer yew t'leash an' muzzle me anymore..."

When he said no one really cared about him but Lucio there was a moment, a flicker that showed how deeply that cut her but she was quick to push it back down.

"I wanted you here because I saw potential in you." Her words were stern, but not without a tinge of hurt. "Because you're incredibly smart and talented. Because you talked about wanting to make a difference. To be a better person. Because you talked about how much Overwatch had meant to you, and I thought it might mean something to you now to be a part of it, broken as it is right now."

She had to tilt her head back slightly to keep looking up at him. "I thought being a part of something like this, around people that *want* to see you be something more would mean something to you. Might help you be the better person you said you wanted to be. But you seem to just want to continue to treat this like a one-man-operation, and to hell with being part of a team. Being part of a team means you don't have to do things alone. You have support and advice, and people that will help you when you're in trouble. But in return you owe that team something too. And when you run off alone, do reckless things without any regard for anyone else on that team or how your actions might affect them...you're telling your team they don't matter to you. That in the great scheme of your plans...and what you want...they should just go fuck themselves because they don't matter." The words came out coarse and shocking from someone who generally didn't swear.

"But you apparently don't think anyone here who isn't Lucio cares about you anyway, so why *should* you bother? Why put effort into investing in the people that invested in you...when instead you can feel sorry for yourself, and use that as justification for your selfish actions. You can't be better because it doesn't matter and no one cares about you anyway...so what does it matter what you do?" She threw the words back at him, anger and hurt and disappointment all rolled into one. She'd really thought he'd had a chance, but she couldn't force him to do things or act certain ways or see things certain ways.

Junkrat's face fell and he immediately felt guilty for what he'd said, glancing to the side, "yeh well...Maybe yew saw potential in th'wrong bloke." His voice was quiet as he said that, it had taken him a long time to realize it, but maybe Elise had been right, "smart an' talented, thas' a joke." He scratched at his head and swallowed, "all I seem t'do around here is cause trouble..." He looked distressed and shook his head, "it don't come naturally t'me, mate...Workin' on a team..." He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall, "I didn't mean that...I didn't mean it I jus'..." He shook his head, looking defeated.

"yer right...I was selfish." He fidgeted with his hands again and sighed, "I need t'learn how t'be on a team still...I'm used t'survivin fer myself..." He looked down, then got to his feet with a determined face, standing straight and giving her a salute, "Listen, I don't know th'first thing about teamwork, I got a lot t'learn...But I want t'be a part of this team." He swallowed, then relaxed and looked to the side, "an' I don't want yew t'lose faith in me..." He still doubted, Elise's words had shaken him hard, but he didn't want to give up on these people.

She was not quite ready to forgive, forget and move past, but his last words brought a brief smile. "Being on a team doesn't come naturally to most people."

"But if you're serious about that...the first part is remembering you *have* a team on your side to help you. No more running off randomly without including anyone else in on your plans. If something is important to you...we will do what we can to help you."

She frowned up at him after a moment. "And you are not worthless, stupid, the wrong person or any of the other things you say. You need to stop saying such things about yourself constantly, they're not only not true, but also implying that everyone else who sees something in you is wrong or lying, which is not the case."

"It's all a learning process...it'll take some work on your part if you're serious about all this." She looked up at him.

Junkrat looked to the side and sighed, shaking his head, "out in th'Outback...It's literately survival of th'fittest..." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "it's a hard mentality t'get away from...But I am tryin'..." He just wasn't doing the best at it, was he? He rubbed a hand down his face and smiled weakly, "I do wanna try though..." He fidgeted nervously and looked down, "When I got that video of Lucio tied up an' hurt...I got scared..." He wrapped his arms around himself and chewed his lip, "I was afraid if I waited...If I told anyone and we sat here figurin' it out...He'd die..."

He looked down and sighed, closing his eyes, "thas' a hard mentality t'abandon too..." He rubbed a hand over his opposite arm and chewed his lip, "sometimes I jus'...feel like I really ain't worth th'trouble people have put inta' me..." He shrugged and gave a sad chuckle, "wot have I done since I got here but cause trouble an' make problems..." He scratched at his chin and sighed, "I'm here t'stay though...Fer th'long run." He flashed her a wide grin, "yew wont get rid'a me that easily, mum!" He looked serious again, "I really am sorry fer my stupidity."

Her expression finally softened a bit. "I know it's hard, to see the people you care about in situations like that. You want to rush in, you want to help and fix it right this moment. But sometimes...usually, actually...you can't just rush in guns blazing to save them. There's a darker side to this sort of life...and that sort of thing is part of it. I know it's not easy...but you have to at least try to trust us. Trust our experiences...trust that we've faced down these sorts of things before." She wished she could somehow just...for a moment...show him the sorts of things she'd seen in her life, show him just how much she understood those feelings.

She smiled a little. "I'm glad you don't want to leave. I just...I'm asking you to try. And I'm asking you to take the time to think about these things. I don't want to lose you or anyone else here." It had been too close too many times, even just in the last handful of months.

Junkrat sighed and his posture relaxed, no longer looking on the defensive, just looking sort of lost and unsure, "ain't that th'truth..." He reached a hand to run it through his hair, "I guess I panicked...I got a message and I know I shouldn't have believed it but I did...I'm such a dumbass." He sunk his face into his hands and rubbed at his cheeks, "I'm so stupid...I should have known it was a trap fer me...But I was runnin' on instincts...An' I guess my instincts are still havin' trouble trustin'..." It was hard to say that, but he hoped she might understand the fact given where he' come from, "I'll try an' trust more in th'future...A-an' it ain't like I don't trust yew! "He lifted his hands, "don't get me wrong, it's jus'...Yew learn not to and it's hard to unlearn...I am tryin' though..."

When she said she was glad he wasn't leaving, he chuckled and shuffled awkwardly, "well...I prob'ly wouldn't have left...It's jus'..." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "it ain't like I haven't thought about it...After I came back an' Ansell was laid up in th'medical bay...I considered..." He hated admitting this, "I packed my bags an' everythin'...Just feels like everything I try t'do here goes wrong...Like maybe I'm bad luck." He laughed, "I'm just human...An' people are always tellin; me 'damn Jamie yer invincible' because of all the shit I've lived through..." His face became slightly scared, "But I'm not...I've just been lucky...An' eventually my luck's gonna run out." He ran a hand over his face, "whether that's on a mission or from some fuckin' disease I don't know I got yet...I'm on borrowed time...Thinkin' Lucio was gonna die just..." He shuddered visibly, "I ain't even got t'pop th'question to him, can't lose him yet." He laughed.

"I understand. I really, really do. But there are things that need to be done now...added steps...procedures...things to protect us all. And we need those extra protections because there are more people after us than there would be if we were just every day people." She looked up at him.

"What happened to Ansell...what happened to any of them, was not your fault. You did not directly cause those things to happen. Although...I understand the feeling of it being your fault." That was one of her own personal struggles, carrying unwarranted guilt from things that happened to those around her.

The last comment about Lucio brought her up short though and she paused, looking over at him with a curious expression, as though waiting for him to elaborate on that a bit more. She hadn't realized they'd gotten that serious.

Junkrat shuffled and nodded, taking a breath before looking her over, "yeh...If it...If it makes it any better..." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "Talon ain't gonna find us. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's coverin' my tracks." He nodded, looking sure of his words, "they wont track me back here." It had been the best he could think to do at the time, knowing that what he was doing was stupid, he at least didn't want Talon tracking him back.

He sighed at the mention of Ansell and rubbed his hands over his face, "I get that...But it was my call who came with me an' I chose Ansell...I brought him..." He dropped his hands and looked down, "wot was two lunatics from th'Outback gonna do against that..." He looked haunted as he put a hand to the side of his head, "that El Craneo had me held by th'neck ready to slit me open again...Ansell was trying to save ME when he got hurt." Maybe Lucio's accident hadn't been his fault, but he was directly responsible for Ansell at the time, and what happened to him was.

He caught the look on her face when he mentioned Lucio and laughed, blushing, "yeah uh...I been thinkin' 'bout it..." He ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat with an awkward smile, "imagine the dreaded Aussie bomber...Doin' somethin' as domestic as proposin'..." He shuffled, "I dunno if we even can get married...But I...I still wanna."