Loose Ends [Lucio]

Jamison looked down as Lucio spoke, letting out a soft sigh, "doctors would take one look at me an' lock me away for th'rest of my life...Or lobotomize me." He put a hand to his eye, looking a little frightened, "an' if that'd be my fate...I'd rather be dead." After the soft kiss broke, he gave him a sad look, gently leaning against him, "I must sound so weak...Giving up like this..." He closed his eyes a moment before glancing up at him, "but th'things I've done...It all tears me apart and I just...Can't keep living like this." He shifted to rest his head in the man's lap, chuckling softly, "mate yer too kind. I don't deserve any kind of forgiveness...Th'body count t'my name...A-an I've enjoyed it...I still enjoy it..." He put his hands over his face and looked sick, "I'm dangerous, mate..." Even to Lucio, even if he didn't want to ever hurt him.

Lucio stayed silent, frowning again before moving to sit closer to Jamie once he leans against him again. "No, you're not weak. You're just broken is all and there's no glue or tape to fix it. I mean.. I don't blame you for being scared of them and in a way, I am too. Never liked doctors." Lucio then moved his hand to rest it on the other's hand, sighing once more. "Why don't you try and.. not hurt people like that? Maybe try and break away from it and try something else?" Oh right, the whole gang thing. It's his job. "Anyone who's part of a mob or gang is dangerous, silly. I mean, I'm dangerous now too but I haven't done anything, yet anyway." He's just trying his best to make Jamie feel better, even though it isn't working as well as he wanted it to.

Jamison chuckled and closed his eyes, letting out a somewhat content sigh at Lucio's closeness, "hmm if only it was as easy as glue or tape..." He looked up at him from his place in his lap and reached a hand to run it over his cheek, "doctors are th'worst, eh?" His eyes glanced to the side and he let out a heavy sigh, "they would look at me once an' lock me away ferever...Prob'ly confine me t'solitude fer th'rest of me life...With a straight jacket t'boot." He'd walked into facilities before, just to see what they were like, it had been a nightmare to see.

He looked up at him with a thoughtful expression, "if I stop doin' wot they say...They'll have me killed anyway." He gave a soft laugh and reached to poke at his nose, "yeh but not every member handles hits. It's my job." He reached up to take the man by his cheeks, leaning up to give him another gentle kiss, "yer helpin' me though, mate...A-at least I kin spend th'time I got bein' cared about..." It was more of a consolation than the man probably realized, being cared about for the first time in his life.

Lucio stayed close to the other, frowning once more. "If only," he'll mumble as he leans into Jamison's hand with a sigh. "They are. Jerks too," he'll add as he watches the other closely, letting out a sad noise as he continues to listen to the other. "I'm worried about all that, and I still wish I could help in some way. I don't know how." Lucio couldn't help but to feel bad all the while. "I don't want that to happen to you or anything."

"Oh, right." Honestly, Lucio has no idea what his new job will be. Hopefully nothing too bad. "I don't even know what my job is going to be," he'll say, blinking a bit when the other took his cheeks again before returning the kiss. "I do want to help so I'm glad it's working so far. I still apologize though for.. treating you bad. If I would have known, it would be been different." He can't help but to feel bad, honestly.

Jamison looked up at the man for a moment before sitting up and reaching to wrap his arms around him, pulling him gently against his chest and smiling softly, "don't yew worry 'bout me, okay?" He rested his head against his hair and nuzzled into the spot, feeling tears welling up in his eyes, "this is th'kindest gift I could give anyone." His voice wavered softly and he gave him a gentle squeeze, "I do nothin' but make messes an' hurt people...It's...Better this way." He was sure of that, Lucio, Sarah, Sam, they'd all be better off without him.

He glanced down and moved to take his cheeks, looking over his face, "quit apologizin'...Yew didn't ever treat me bad. Wot makes yew think yeh did?" He quirked his head to the side with a curious gaze, "I treated yew badly, mate...I stalked and terrorized yew an' I gotta wonder how yer able t'fergive me..." He gave a soft chuckle, "if I were in yer shoes I'd be glad t'see me die." He supposed that was a dark thing to say, but true.

Lucio couldn't help but to make a low noise as he's pulled into another embrace, returning it with a sigh. "Why shouldn't I worry? I mean, there has to be some way to help," he'll reply, blushing lightly at the nuzzle he got as he curls up a bit against the other man. "It's not." It really isn't but Lucio doesn't really have a say in the matter anymore. He knows that now. Lucio stayed silent, frowning as he curls up a bit more with a sigh. This man is a bit warm.. comfortable? Different. Lucio hasn't felt all that with anyone else but Jamison and he has no idea why.

He couldn't help but to look up at Jamison again, biting the bottom of his lips for a moment with a huff. "I.. but I pushed you away. I thought you were just crazy and creepy and.. all sorts of stuff but you're not," Lucio answered before smiling softly. "Yeah, I'll admit, that's creepy but you didn't do anything too bad." Then a sigh. "I don't want to see you die, or anything like that."

Jamison laid back against the man's couch, pulling him down with him and looking over his face with a serious expression, "th'best help yew in give me now...Is wot yer doin' now..." He took his hand and placed it over his rapidly beating heart, "I'm scared...b-but yer helpin' me be less scared..." He looked to the side and chewed his lip, a mildly distressed look on his face, "I promise Lucio...Yer better off without me." He put a hand to the side of his own head and heaved a heavy sigh, "I'm unpredictable...Unstable...I'm...Not safe. This is the best gift I could give yew. Trust me. Not havin' me around will be better..." It was a depressing thing to say, but it felt like the truth from his point of view.

He gave a soft chuckle at his words and tilted his head, "I AM crazy and creepy, Lucio. Thas' th'problem. Yew had every right t'push me away, mate..." He pulled him closer and sighed softly, "I made yew watch me bash a man's skull in, I pulled yew into a mess yew had nothin' t'do with. I'm a bad person Lucio." He looked over his face with a soft sigh, "if I didn't take meself out...Someone else woulda' killed me eventually anyway." He kissed him softly, "at least this was I get t'enjoy my last few days. Yew don't have t'see me die...Sam's gonna take me a ways out of town, put me down like th'wild animal I am. No one has t'see. An' he'll take care of yew, he wont let no one hurt yew once I'm gone."

He let out a small noise as he's pulled down, moving to get a bit comfortable before sighing. "Really?" Lucio asked softly, frowning more as he can feels the other's heart beat. Maybe he could try and calm him down? He just didn't know what to do as he moves a bit to relax on the other man, chin resting on his chest as he thinks. He did get Jamison's attention by singing so maybe it'll calm him down. Lucio took a deep breath before exhaling softly, after a moment, he'll start singing softly before making himself more comfortable.

Lucio hummed in response, turning his head to look off to the side instead for a while. Jamison's right though. "I don't know what to say, Jamie," he'll mumble before returning the kiss as he curls up a bit. He's just.. a bit low now because of all this but he just doesn't know what to do. "Honestly, I'll miss you," Lucio said softly as he glances up at Jamie again. "Yeah, I don't want to see anything. I've seen enough in my life already but.. I guess I'll let him take care of me. Don't know what he could do though."

Jamison nodded, letting out a shaky breath, "yeh..." He glanced down at him, reaching a hand to run over his head and down to rub over his back comfortingly. He knew his decision was hurting Lucio at the moment, but he also knew that he would be okay without him. He looked surprised when he heard Lucio begin to sing, and after a moment he did begin to relax a little, breathing easier as the man's voice did it's job in calming him down, "th-thanks, mate..." He could have cried, but stopped his tears.

He looked down and continued rubbing his back, he hated seeing the distress he was putting him through, "I'm selfish fer this...I know...I'm glad ye'll miss me anyway though..." He smiled and furrowed his brows a little, "y-yew wanna...I dunno...Go fer a walk?" He frowned and ran a gentle hand over his cheek, "I know it's late but...Maybe the cold air will clear our heads a bit?" A walk in the cold sounded nice.

He could tell that Jamison is finally calming down as he sings just for a moment longer before stopping with a sad smile. Lucio is actually happy that it worked with the other, even if it was just a little. "You're welcome," he'll respond softly as he moves to sit up a bit, straddling the other before giving him that same sad smile. "Hey, if you need to cry or anything, you can. I won't judge you or anything, but if you hold it all in, it'll hurt. I should take the same advice and I know it's hard, but you should try and let it out."

The comforting rubs made Lucio let out a content sigh, biting the bottom of his lips before letting out a small noise in response. Though the question made him pause for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, a walk will do great," he'll say, leaning into the other's hand for a quick moment before moving to get off of the other, stretching out his arms. "It's just fine, I don't mind."

Jamison nodded and took a breath, it was something he needed to remember, he'd always been raised on the idea that emotions and crying were weak, "I-I'll try an' keep that in mind..." He gave a soft chuckle and rubbed at his eyes, "I've been told my whole life that cryin' an' feelin' make yew weak...S'what war teaches yew...S'what living in a gang teaches yew..." He looked down and sighed shakily, "it is hard, I feel like I gotta be cold all the time...An' maybe I am cold...I feel cold." It was what made killing feel so good, though he wouldn't say that out loud, he felt everything when he did it, and it's what kept him coming back for more of it.

He gave the man a gentle smile, running a hand over his cheek, "yew gotta coat?" He knew Lucio mentioned looking for a job, which implied he wasn't the most well off, "if yew don't yew can have mine? I uh...Well I wont need it." He laughed softly, "I like goin' fer late night walks too...Yew'd think I'd hate it...Livin' out there, but I like th'streets at night." He puffed out his chest as he slipped off the couch, "I'll protect yew."

"Well, if you don't want others to see, you can always go elsewhere to let it out. Though I don't mind if you let it out around me since I'll try my best to help out," Lucio said, moving his hand to lightly boop the tip of the other's nose. "Don't worry about all that, alright? Just.. enjoy everything now before you.. go," he continued before frowning again. He still hates that the other wants to completely leave the world but honestly, he doesn't blame him in a way. Life hasn't been treating him the best either but he can't imagine what Jamison is going through. Then he was in the war too, which makes things a bit harder for the man.

At the question, Lucio blushed out of pure embarrassment before shaking his head as he glances to the side. "I don't have one, actually." Once Jamie offer to give him his, he'll only blush more while rubbing the back of his neck. How nice. Jamison is really tall though and the jacket will be more of a blanket than anything else, but it's better than nothing at all. "I.. if you don't mind. Wouldn't you be cold too?" Lucio asked before letting out a small laugh at the last comment. "Thank you."

Jamison nodded, looking down a moment before giving him a small smile, "thanks, mate...I-it's nice t'know I kin cry in front'a yew at least..." He blinked when he reached to lightly bop his nose, laughing and taking his hand to kiss the top of it, "thas' th'plan...I want t'make th'most of my time before I take my final bow." It was a dramatic way of putting it, but he felt it was poetic. He knew he was leaving behind people who cared, but he also knew that with time they'd be okay, "yer helpin' me do that...This..." He felt his voice shake and tried to calm it, "this is all I ever wanted with yew...t-t'be given a chance t'show yew th'sidea' me that ain't fucked up."

He chuckled when Lucio admitted to not having a coat, slipping his off and draping it around the much shorter man's shoulder, "oh dear...It swamps you!" He snickered and shrugged, "well it'll be cozier, yeh? Yew kin keep it!" He wanted to add that it would be something to remember him by, but he was afraid that would be too sappy. He grinned and waved it off when he asked if he would get cold, "I'll be fine, I spend most nights out in this cold, it don't bother me!" He nodded and put an arm around his shoulder, "anytime. I jus' want yew t'be safe."