Learning you Learning me [Sam]

It had taken the better part of two days to get from Chicago to back home again...he supposed they could have flown back and forth but the cost of last minute tickets for one, then two people would have been insane, and he was a guy who didn't do much, he'd built up more than enough vacation to take a week or so to go get his son, then have a couple days to get him settled in before going back to his daily routines.

The time he'd run with Havoc seemed like decades...centuries ago from the person he was now. But while his brushes and time with the law had straightened him out, and made him want to try to fix his life, she seemed to neither want that nor care...she was an adult, she was free to destroy her own life even after he offered, begged to take her away from all of it, for them both to start over somewhere else...what hurt him the most was how she was dragging their son down in it too, and the broken system somehow kept letting it happen, with brief periods where he got that time with his son, got his hopes up, only to have them broken yet again. He never stopped trying though, even if all he could do was phone calls and mailed gifts and the like, he never stopped trying to be some sort of good influence on Gray's life. And when the call came in that he was the only relative of the boy they'd been able to track down, did he want to come take custody or leave him in the care of the state...he'd been on the road that afternoon, Chicago bound.

The ride home had been long, moments where they talked and connected, awkward spanning silences in between...they were both adjusting to a lot, and for the first 48 hours of it to be them in the cab of a pickup and in a hotel room...there wasn't much space to sort out their own thoughts and feelings.

It was also growing to sunset as they finally got back, he supposed from the outside view how this might look like something out of a horror flick, and he couldn't help but laugh as Gray announced this after Sam got back in the truck after closing the gate behind them.

"Yeah, just right up there." He pointed through the windshield to just around the bend in front of them, the outlines of a small house finally becoming visible.

"We're only 'bout 15 or 20 minutes out of town that way." He pointed in the direction opposite of the way they'd come. "Doesn't take too far to feel like you're out in the middle of nowhere here."

He pulled up and parked the truck in a wide gravel patch in front of the house, off to the side looked like a barn or some other kind of outbuildings. Nothing was lit up yet, and the house, while well maintained had seen better days...it wasn't doing much to take away from the somewhat creepy vibe, Sam realized...although he also realized that could well be just because this was probably one of the first times Gray had ever been out of the city...used to old and poorly taken care of apartments packed together, able to hear your neighbors whenever they talked or sneezed or took a shit...look out the window, go out for a walk and only see more crushes of people, more buildings, more...stuff. He could see how this might be unnerving at first.

"C'mere. We'll go in and get settled in a minute...but lemme show you why I got this place." He said, getting out of the truck.

He circled around the low slung house, with it's wide porches with room to just sit and relax. Just a short walk down a well worn trail, the house still clear behind them, he led Gray to the edge of a dock stretching into a lake, boat tied up at the end of it. The lake stretched far across, points of trees black against the evening sky, the sunset reflected perfectly in the glasslike water, with barely a ripple to it. It was pretty here all of the time, this was one of the best times of day though.

Grayson's face was genuinely surprised when Sam said they were only 20 minutes from town at most, "no kidding...Feels like we're in no man's land..." He said this in an almost reverent voice as he glanced over at him when he got back into the truck, squinting in the ener so slightly failing light to see the house as they came up on it. It was nice, though just a little creepy, but he reckoned that was because of the lack of light, it made it look abandoned and not lived in, "no helping the slasher vibes, man..." He chuckled softly, sliding out of the truck and following after him, he really was mostly kidding about the slasher vibe feels, he trusted his father about as much as you could trust a parent that you'd hardly ever seen. But the phone calls and letters told him that Sam cared, that Sam had been trying. It didn't help the awkwardness that actually being in his care felt. He'd never had a parent before.

He very nearly became utterly breathless when he stepped out on the dock, and his eyes stretched wide in an awed sort of way, "wooah..." He'd never seen this much...Space...This much open, clean scenery, he'd never breathed this kind of clean and crisp air, used to the choking smog and stink of the city. The feeling was overwhelming, and despite his best efforts, brought a few unchecked tears to his eyes, "J-jesus it's beautiful..." He pressed the palms of his hands hard into his eyes as he drew in a shaking breath, everything that had happened recently finally coming to a head, "th-this is like...I'm gonna live *here*?" He chanced a glance up at Sam, "no noise...No gunshots...Just..." He gestured around them, "this?" He let out another slightly choked breath, "wow..."

Sam stood quietly next to Gray as he took in the scenery. It had chocked him up a bit the first time he saw it too, like Gray he'd been a kid from the city who'd never dreamed he could ever live near...never mind own...a place like this. He understood the feeling, on top of everything else that had happened to him in the last week or so.

"You hear some hunters in the fall sometimes...and there are days you gotta dig yourself out in the winter...it's not perfect..." He smiled over at Gray. "But it's pretty damn close."

He clapped a hand on Gray's shoulder, letting it stay there for the time being. "Good for your soul to be out here." He spoke quietly, it hadn't fixed everything, but it had helped, being in a place like this. He was a man with plenty of is own troubles, but the quiet, being able to work on his house, on his land, make the place his own and keep it this nice...it had been good for him. He hoped it would be good for Gray too.

====
He'd only meant to borrow the truck for a couple of hours, it wasn't like he'd done it to go do illegal shit, though it was illegal anyway given his lack of a licence. He'd done this countless times with his mom's vehicle without incident, that was in Chicago however, where there weren't any nosy ass cops sticking their backwater snouts where they didn't belong.

Things had been rough, he was adjusting to a lot of things, and so was Sam, this had led to a lot of incidents between them due to lack of communication and lack of experience in having kids and having stable parents. Of course, everyone knew everyone, and this town was tiny as hell, so it was easy for the cops to pick him up, he supposed he was lucky they knew Sam enough to give him a slap on the wrist. He was waiting currently in the police station, they'd called Sam at work to come and collect him and take him home, and needless to say he was mildly terrified.

Having rules and structure was a wild and new concept to him, as his mother had entirely allowed him to run wild, there was a part of him that felt like Sam wasn't giving him enough of a chance to adapt to this, but there was also a part of him that feared what would happen, how Sam would handle this, what was waiting for him when the man arrived to get him.

Sam had been furious when he'd first been called...it had been a couple hours at this point and furious had cooled to just angry and disappointed...he hadn't been able to leave work early and just come back so they'd had to keep Gray at the station for the rest of the afternoon until Sam could get back into town, then had to get one of his coworkers to take him by the station...everyone would know and be talking about this tomorrow...probably a lot of talk about 'kids will be kids!'...but a couple would also take it upon themselves to try to tell him how to parent a teenager...and those weren't conversations he wanted to have.

He finally got to the station, still in his dusty and dirty work clothes, having to carry all of his gear and stuff from work in with him as he didn't have his truck to put it all in yet. He spoke for a few minutes to the other officers there, before going back to get Gray.

He'd been running over in his head all the things he could say...ask if he was hurt...ask what he'd been thinking...to scold...to reassure him...to tell him off...but now, just looking at his son, he was too tired for all of that. They would ahve to talk. But not here. Not like this.

"Let's go." He finally said bluntly, jerking his head towards the door, his arms still full of stuff.

There were a million words that Grayson wanted to spill out the moment Sam got here, but when he looked up and saw his dad standing there, looking tired and dusty and carrying his things, his words entirely left him and choked in his throat. He could feel it, that razor edge of panic, that hot itchy discomfort that an attack usually followed after, but he refused, fighting hard against his own broken brain as he got to his feet and followed after the man, "I can...Help carry something?" He tried, but trailed off, unsure if he was even allowed to speak at this point, he would help if Sam willed him to, but otherwise he kept his eyes cast pointedly down at the floor.

The drive home was torture, a long, agonizing drag of tense silence that made Grayson's skin itch and crawl anxiously. It was the calm before the storm, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for the storm. But it was inevitable by the tension that crackled between them, and he'd never felt so much dread seeing the gate coming into view. Keeping his silence as it was opened and they drove in to pull in front of the house. He didn't budge at first, didn't move an inch, waiting for instruction from his dad, whatever that might be.

Sam also kept silent the whole drive home, trying to pick his words, trying to decide how to approach this, trying to bite back the temper that even after all these years still on occasions like this would rear it's ugly head to the surface. He didn't want to be that man, he didn't want to be that father. But he couldn't just play this off either, let it go with as light a slap on the wrist as the cops gave him...seeing Gray in a police station, hearing he was there...had nearly made him immediately sick. Out of all the things he feared for his son...his having to do a stint in prison neared the top of that list. He so badly wanted to keep his son from that life.

Finally they sat parked in front of the house, and he knew if he was going to say something he needed to do it, and soon. Or the moment would be lost, and this would slip past them.

He drew in a long breath through his nose, letting it out slowly. "What...exactly...were you thinking?" He finally asked, low, not looking at Gray as he spoke.

Grayson didn't meet his dad's eyes, waiting, the waiting was killing him more than the fear of what Sam would say. He jumped a little when he spoke, and without really thinking about it, he shrugged a little, "I dunno...I used to take mom's care out all the time...I didn't think it was a big deal..." He wrinkled his nose a little bit, "wouldn't have been if them asshole backwater pigs hadn't nosed their way into my business." He didn't mean for his words to be so harsh, but growing up alongside a mother who hates police with a burning passion, some of that has rubbed off whether he wanted it to or not. He didn't, really, the cops had been fairly pleasant, but it was a learned attitude.

He glanced up at him finally, "so. What now?" He said this is a tone that was dismissive without meaning to be, he just wanted this awkward shit to be done with, he wanted to be let out of this truck so he could do sit by the lake before he freaked out right here and now, "I'm...Sorry I guess? I didn't think it was all that big a thing..." He shrugged a little again. He wasn't trying to be so dismissive, but this was something he wasn't used to, something he had no idea how to handle.

"You don't have a license! That means you don't get to drive...it *is* a big deal...you could have hurt somebody...you could have hurt yourself! Do you have any idea what that would have been like, if you had...driving illegally?" He demanded, finally looking sidelong at his son.

As Gray talked about the police Sam bristled a little, not just at the lack of respect, but several of the officers were his good friends, one of which had actually been the one to call him and get Gray off the hook in the first place.

"You need to show a little goddamn respect." He growled. "I know you didn't learn any of that back there, but you're gonna start showing some of it here...and on that note...you think these guys are bad? What do you think would have happened if they'd caught you doing this shit in Chicago? You think you'd have gotten off with a slap on the wrist and sent home? Nah, you'd get to go sit in jail next to your mom...that what you want?" The words were harsh and he regretted them almost immediately, it was a low blow and he knew it.

It didn't help when Gray only sounded like he was bored and wanted out of this conversation instead of anything else, instead of feeling bad over what he'd done. "Yeah well...it is a big deal. And I've tried to be fairly easy going with you up until this point, getting settled in and everything...but I realize I ain't doing you no fucking favors that way. There's gonna start being some rules around this place and you're gonna start following them."

Grayson glanced to the side at him and sighed, "I get it! Jesus! It was a big fucking deal!" He unlocked the door real quick and stepped out, feeling enclosed and cornered and completely uncomfortable because of the tight space. He knew his dad would probably climb out after him, giving him a hard glare, "Yeah yeah! I do respect them!" He threw his hands up before stuffing them into his pockets. He hated this conversation, he hated what had led to this conversation. He did feel bad for what he'd done, and for the attitude he was taking now with his father, learned from years of hearing it from his mother.

He glanced up sharply at the words that left his dad's mouth and took in a sharp breath, "F-fuck you?!" His voice rose to a shout now, glad that they were out in the middle of nowhere, "You gotta lot of fucking nerve!" He felt hurt by those words, hurt that his father would even bring his mother into this and use her against him. It was a slap across the face, and he took his next words with a defiant frown, hurt somewhere in his eyes, "FINE! So *dad* what are these new rules you gonna enforce? Huh?!" He crossed his arms over his chest, looking to the side with a scowl.

"I got a lotta fucking nerve?" Sam shot back, also out of the truck now, slamming the door with enough force to shake the whole truck.

"Your mother fucked her own life! She had the chance to get out...but no, that's how she wanted to fucking live. And you keep doing shit like this...that's where you'll end up too...you think I want that for you? You think I brought you here so you could just keep right on doing what you were doing and end up like that?"

He had loved her, he really had loved her, and it had killed him watching her make the same mistakes over and over again, stubbornly refusing to change, to leave, to be anything else.

"No more just coming and going at all hours, staying out whenever and however late you want, doing whatever you want. And you'll start showing some respect...to your teachers, to the people of this town...to me...to yourself!"

Grayson shot Sam a heated look, his face wrinkling in anger, "I know what mom fucking did!" His stance was defensive as he glared at his father, "I lived through every fucking thing she did! I'm still fucking dealing with the shit she did!" He was breathing hard by the time he was done yelling, "But why bother tryin' if you're so fuckin' convinced I'll end up there?!" He leaned back against the truck and shook his head, feeling so much pressure in his head building up that he felt like it might explode, "I'm fucking trying, okay?!" It was infuriating, that he didn't seem to understand or care that there were a million things building up in his head, things he was still trying to cope with, things he was still working through with Ian.

His eyes burned, "FINE! You set the rules and I'll fuckin' follow them!" He'd be the perfect son, if that was what it took to keep his home, he would relent total control. He turned his back to the man with a somewhat desperate look, "can I please go? I...Need to fuckin' cool off!" He sounded almost desperate, he needed to go and relax at the dock or something.

===

It was bitter cold, the kind of cold that bit into one's bones even through a bunch of layers, and with the threat of a heavy building snowstorm, Sam had been sent home early. He'd stopped at the store to pick up supplies in case the weather got particularly bad, and he had a couple hours left until he went to school to pick up Gray and bring him back.

The last weeks had been...tense...at best. Gray had submitted to Sam's new rules, but there was a palpable distance between them that hadn't been there in the first few weeks. Gray was quiet, obedient but with a sullenness to it, one and two word answers, keeping to himself and to his schoolwork. It hurt, but Sam didn't know how to reach out to him after this, how to explain it was for his own good, how to explain that he needed to be his father before he was his friend...but that he did want them to be close. He didn't want Gray to only resent him in the end...so many of these things he didn't know how to do, and it frustrated him.

Bags in hand he let himself into the house, setting the bags in the kitchen and frowning as he heard the TV...had he left it on this morning? He hadn't even remembered turning it on. Coming in to turn it off he found Gray, and frowned.

"The hell...you said you didn't need a ride this morning because you were catching a ride to school with one of your friends." He narrowed his eyes at his son, caught in an obvious lie. "Why are you not in school?" Was this something happening frequently? He'd noticed a dip in his grades....was this why?