Post by thelori24 on Dec 18, 2016 10:12:11 GMT
It was late into the night, and the only light on in the townhouse was the small lamp that sat on Ian's desk, head in his hands, fingers dug into his hair. He'd been in bed, woken up from his sleep by the nightmares. They had left him alone for a long time, longer than usual...but they'd been creeping back lately, strong and devastating as they always had been, shaking him to his core and throwing him straight back into that war all over again. Reminders of his failures, of those that had died under his care, the sound of Omnics and Bastions, reminders of how he'd never, ever leave that war behind him, no matter what he did, what he tried, what he accomplished...no matter who was in his life, no matter how much therapy he underwent. This would never end.
The bottle of vodka had been mostly full not all that long ago, the ashtray had been empty, now the reverse was true but he still didn't feel any more at ease or relaxed. He could feel the hopelessness, the desperation...he wished he could shrug it off. He wished he could just go back to bed and go to sleep and...just...be normal. With no one to see he didn't try to hide his tears, one hand came away from his head to grab at the bottle and take another swallow, before putting it aside. He hesitated for a moment, before sliding open the desk drawer. He eyed the items inside, before with a shaky hand withdrew the service revolver and set it on the desk in front of him. He'd done this before...so many times...he'd never pulled the trigger...but so many times...he'd sat here like this...he could make it all end. He didn't want to hurt those left behind...he knew it would, and that's what made him pause. But...he could make everything else stop...
The bottle of vodka had been mostly full not all that long ago, the ashtray had been empty, now the reverse was true but he still didn't feel any more at ease or relaxed. He could feel the hopelessness, the desperation...he wished he could shrug it off. He wished he could just go back to bed and go to sleep and...just...be normal. With no one to see he didn't try to hide his tears, one hand came away from his head to grab at the bottle and take another swallow, before putting it aside. He hesitated for a moment, before sliding open the desk drawer. He eyed the items inside, before with a shaky hand withdrew the service revolver and set it on the desk in front of him. He'd done this before...so many times...he'd never pulled the trigger...but so many times...he'd sat here like this...he could make it all end. He didn't want to hurt those left behind...he knew it would, and that's what made him pause. But...he could make everything else stop...
